Photo credit – Carli Jean
So, it was a day off for this mama between the ending of one job and the starting of a new one. I had big hopes for that day. I would get some rest, meditate, get a good workout in, a pedicure and focus on my passions to recharge, preparing me for a busy weekend with the boys while daddy was still working out of town.
You know what I did? I ended up filling it up with an expired list of ‘to do’s’. To do’s for the house, the kids, the finances. I bought groceries, made phone calls, and ran errands. Remember my thoughts of rest, meditation, a workout, a pedicure and time for my passions? Yeah, that didn’t happen.
Every week, I go to a local natural grocery store and I have gotten to know many of the wonderful people that work there. I was talking with an Herbalist about needing some supplemental support. While we discussed the vitamins and supplements I should consider, we swapped mama stories. The ones only mamas understand. I shared with her this was my day off before starting a new job. She almost cackled then said quite bluntly, “You don’t get a day off. Are you kidding me? You never get a day off!” I shook my head in complete agreement and felt validated in some way…
Then, I am not sure what happened. I think I started to feel like ugh, what the heck – I don’t ever really get a day off. My mind took this and ran with it. You know the drill. Downward spiral into pity-dom. It was not until a couple days later, after a divinely timed conversation with a friend of mine, that snapped me out of it. We were discussing the differences in our lives. The highs. The lows. The reality of our lives are sort of opposites right now – I am married with two young boys and she is currently single with no kiddos yet. She talked of wanting kids and here I was talking about my desire for a day to myself, to worry about only my needs. What she shared next was something I ponder often, but hearing it from a soul sister, along with the timing, made it seem so profound. She shared with me the notion that we all want what everyone else has. I consider myself someone who strives to have a grateful heart, yet hearing this really hit me. It shifted my perspective.
So, yeah – the Herbalist was right. I never really do get a day off. What mama really does? But I am blessed. There was a day I wasn’t sure if I would be a mama. After enduring two miscarriages, one being our first pregnancy and the other our third pregnancy, I am so unarguably aware that I have two miracles. I have a husband that loves me and makes me laugh, a career I am passionate about as well as a lot of love for coaching and helping others achieve their wellness dreams. I could go on and on. When we stop and count our blessings instead of think of the things we are lacking, even the small things fill our hearts up, drowning out the noise of the voice that wants more.
Now, there is no sugar coating it, being a mom is hard some days. No doubt. Power struggles are tough. Real tough. The demands are unending. Having two boys is busy. Maintaining a house and meals and all that entails is a challenge. My husband works a crazy schedule, and that can add to the demands. Enter in my desires of writing more, working out, coaching clients and working full time. Are there times it gets so overwhelming I feel like I can’t breathe? You bet. Are there times I feel like dear God, I need a break? Yes, HECK yes!!!
That’s when I get grounded. I breathe. I say to myself, Be here. Now. My dear friend’s message was so timely. It helped me shift my perspective. I look and say, how dare you rush through this chaos, Sarah? It is a beautiful chaos. And the chaos is not going away anytime soon. But, I can make time for me. I can make time for rest, pedicures, workouts, my passions. In fact, I have to be better at that. If I lose sight of me, I lose sight of the why. I lose sight of all I have. I get resentful, frustrated, moody, and I start to rush through it to get to the day I can have more time for me. It’s up to me to take care of me, to make space for me.
It can be tough to do this, but I know the techniques. Schedule it, commit to it. Try to balance it all – although I am leaning towards there is no balance. It might look like chaos and for certain it may actually be, but I can bring peace to it and enjoy it more when I make a little space for me. Some days that might be an hour, others might be less.
My boys are only going to be this little once. They will only need me like this once. One day they will be grown and gone. I guess then I will get all that time for me… That day might not seem soon, but it will be here too soon. I want to cherish this time, even with the overwhelm. I want it all. Without one piece of it, I don’t get any of it.
While this mama might not get many days off, I feel grateful I was hired for this never-ending job. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Love to you and yours!
Sarah
